17 November 2014

WHY ARE WE AFRAID OF DISAPPOINTING OTHERS?

THE FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING OTHERS TENDS TO STEM FROM OUR LOW SELF
ESTEEM. WE TRY AND PLEASE OTHERS SO THAT WE CAN GET THEIR APPROVAL
AND LOVE. LOW SELF ESTEEM HAS AN IMPACT ON VARIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL
ISSUES. LOW SELF ESTEEM  DERIVES FROM OUR CHILDHOOD AND THE MESSAGES THAT WE WERE GIVEN AS A CHILD FROM OUR PRIMARY CARE GIVERS AND OTHER INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE THAT WE LOOKED UP TO.

WHEN LOW SELF ESTEEM BECOMES AN ISSUE THIS TENDS TO EFFECT OUR CLOSE
RELATIONSHIPS AND OUR WORK AND MOST IMPORTANTLY ONE ‘S MENTAL HEALTH.
RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT PEOPLE WHO TEND TO HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY ARE
THE HIGHEST GROUP WHO TEND TO PLEASE OTHERS OUT OF FEAR OF
DISAPPOINTMENT OR REJECTION. IF THE SYMPTOMS ARE QUITE HIGH THE
ANXIETY CAN INCREASE INTO FEELINGS OF DEPRESSION AND LACK OF SELF
WORTH. IN TODAY’S CULTURE IT IS THE NORM TO KEEP UP WITH TRENDS AND
GAIN ACCEPTANCE FROM FRIENDS AND PEERS AND WHEN THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN
WE TEND TO ESCAPE IN DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS SUCH AS ALCOHOL BINGING OR USING DRUGS TO AVOID THE
FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS . LET’S TAKE THESE THREE DIFFERENT SCENARIOS;

WITH OUR PARTNER; WHEN IN A RELATIONSHIP SOMEONE WITH
LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A FEAR OF THEIR PARTNER LEAVING
THEM DOES THEIR BEST TO AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THEIR PARTNER SAYS AND
THIS TENDS TO THEN CAUSE RESENTMENTS AS WE ARE NOT EXPRESSING OUR
NEEDS, WANTS AND DESIRES.

WITH OUR COLLEAGUES; WITH COLLEAGUES AT WORK WE MIGHT FEEL THAT
THEY ARE BETTER THEN US OR THAT WE HAVE TO AGREE WITH THE NEW
APPROACH IN A MEETING BECAUSE IF WE DON’T AGREE THEN WE FEEL WE HAVE
DISAPPOINTED OUR COLLEAGUES. THIS IS NOT MAXIMIZING OUR FULL
POTENTIAL AND IS GIVING A MESSAGE TO OUR BRAIN AND SELF ESTEEM THAT
WE ARE NOT WORTH HAVING AN OPINION AND VOICE.
WITH OUR FRIENDS; IN FRIENDSHIPS WE ALSO TEND TO TRY AND NOT
DISAPPOINT SO THAT WE STAY AND REMAIN POPULAR WITHIN THE GROUP. THIS
SOMETIMES HAS REPERCUSSIONS BECAUSE WE TEND TO THEN AGREE TO BE
INVOLVED IN ACTIVITIES THAT WE DID NOT WISH TO BE INVOLVED IN WHICH
OVER A PERIOD OF TIME LEADS TO DEPRESSION DUE TO THE UNHAPPINESS WE
FEEL WITH OURSELVES. WHEN WE DO THIS WE ARE GOING AGAINST OUR CORE VALUES WHICH WILL IN TURN HAVE AN EFFECT ON OUR SELF WORTH.

ALL THESE ISSUES ARE TREATABLE BY A QUALIFIED CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST
AND BEST TO BE TREATED AS THEY TEND TO INCREASE IN SEVERITY OVER
TIME.

DR SANDRA DARMANIN IS A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST AT MINDRIGHT.

CALL 80650326 TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT