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De-escalating Aggression
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14 June 2015

De-escalating Aggression

Helping to de-escalate aggression

Many clients ask me for advice on how to de-escalate aggressive situations. The most common situation that I am asked about is aggressive behaviour by a teenager towards a parent, but aggression can also occur between partners and at work. What is important is remembering that if you are able to be as calm as possible, the other person will calm down more quickly. Any raising of your voice or aggressive behaviour from you will usually lead to an escalation in the other persons aggression. People do not think rationally when they are extremely angry. They act based on their fight or flight response, which causes tension in their body, a knot in their stomach, and an urge towards aggression or acting to hurt or damage someone or something. This is a natural biological response that is aimed at helping us survive, but can be very dangerous and can lead to actions that we regret. We are often not thinking with the part of our brain that allows us to stop and think about consequences, the frontal lobes, we are being driven by our emotional brain- the limbic system. So the first priority when someone is being aggressive needs to be to calm them down and to avoid physical aggression.

Below are some tips that will help you to achieve this. These are based on information from NSW Health that are aimed at managing aggressive people:

  • Keep your cool and maintain composure

“Breathing…corresponds to taking charge of one’s own life.”― Luce Irigaray, philosopher

  • Do not invade ‘personal space’
  • Be aware of your body language – use non-threatening gestures make eye contact
  • Turn body on an angle and have arms by your sides
  • Do not raise your voice
  • Be calm and speak slowly and clearly while keeping communications short, simple and to the point
  • Be patient and express empathy for the person’s concerns
  • Personalise your communications. Use their name if you know it
  • Ensure that you have an exit strategy in case you need to protect yourself
  • Call for help from others
  • Call the police if the situation is beyond your control
  • When violence is threatened, stop what you have been doing and actively listen. Now is not a time for problem solving, reframing, or pointing out irrational thinking
  • Avoid excessive questioning

(Source : NSW Health)

 

Dr Rani Simpson (nee. Ellison)